Good day to all. Hope your day is good and bless.
   Today I would like to say that all who follow my blog know that I had been in a car accident almost two months ago and although you may say a lot of people are in car accidents, this car accident left me disable. I have a bad fracture to my right ankle among other stuff. So I have been suffering with enormous amount of pain. I can not sleep comfortably at night and almost can not sleep at all. For a while now I have been wondering why all this pain. I've been very angry at the thought that the person that hit me might just be roaming the streets while i'm in bed suffering and not able to work. I really can not move much. I have a walker that I need to use for everything so this limits my hand usage. Today I found out that the gentleman that was involved in the car accident with me has past due to drug overdose. As I had stated before I knew he was under the influence of narcotics because it was told to me by the police and he was charged with this and criminal charges for what has happened to me  because of this accident.Although I am in the middle of a lawsuit for damages ,hospital bills, etc.... I couldn't help but feel bad for his parents. This gentleman was only 27. My daughter's age. I had hope that the accident would have had more impact and helped him to change his life around. You know like a wake up call. I feel like I'm suffering for no reason now. He hit me while he was on drugs and he overdose and died. So what meaning did this accident have. I had hoped deep inside that he would change his life, so that I can say at least all this that i'm going through had meaning. I wanted to believe that I help turn his life around. But this is not the story.....
  Nothing can make me feel better right now. I just said a prayer for his family because after all I am a mother with children and I pray for them constantly. It is easier when they are small and at home you can protect your kids better but when they are grown and out on their own, it truly can become a parents nightmare.....

           Good afternoon to all.... I want to start of by giving thanks to our heavenly father who cares for us although at times we feel we do not deserve....I want to be clear that there are days that I definitely feel like I do not deserve all the blessings that I have receive from up above. Now do not think for a minute that i'm suicidal. As soon as you have doubts of your existence , people automatically think that you want to commit suicide. I know that there are circumstances that people do need to follow up on but, in what I have witness on the news all those who are suffering from mental health have not show signs or spoken freely about how they feel and  I do believe that a lot of times when we do need to pay attention we do not. Its easier to turn the cheek and pretend that it doesn't exist in our lives but it does.
           I might be criticize for what I just said but remember its just an opinion. Everything is only base on what I have dealt with and what I see.
          Let me tell you a little something about my life.One of my children was diagnose a bit late with bipolar symptoms. Now this may not mean much to whose reading but believe me as a mother this is war in my house on a constant basis. When I realize that I needed to get my daughter to see a therapist , I felt like  I fail as a mother. I felt that I have been finally punish for how I treated my own parents and karma was about to get me, but why with my child.....
           Every therapist in this world (let me not exaggerate) at least the ones that I took my daughter to wanted to medicate her. Her mood swings were all over the place and at first I was going to agree. Who would this benefit I asked myself. My child who look like she was confused or me . It would ease the yelling the attitude the mood swings all the hateful arguments but would this help her or me.
I chose to look for alternative things to do. So her and I both learn to talk more. We learn the best way to deal with a mood swing is to know when its coming and see what is triggering it. My daughter is now 26, this happen when she was 12. She can probably tell you that she is grateful that she was taught how to deal with the emotions and feelings and how to cope, than me giving her a pill and hope it would just go away.... She is a mature woman now with a daughter and although her mood swings will never go away , she doesn't feel like she is crazy or useless. We talk things out and she is an inspiration to me. Her struggles are mine after all I am her mother.
          What I learn was how to communicate with my children. I learn how to be a friend when needed, a listener (even though at times I just wanted to yell), be an adviser when asked and best of all a mom...

           Just love your children but let them know you love them, even when you just want to kill them. Its the most gratifying feeling when they grow up and say thanks mom for all you have sacrifice for me... don't be so quick to give up

Hello to all...
          Greetings and so forth, at this moment in my life I do not know what to say... I'm struggling so much with the pain that has become part of me, that i'm so confused about everything. I am very happy with the fact that the Lord has chosen to spare my son and myself from the car accident I was involved in, but I can not help but wonder why. I know for my son is because he is young and has a lot to still live. A young man innocent in mind but myself i'm a sinner..... Do I deserve to have been spare???? Now my car accident was not my fault. A man that was on drugs hit me head on while i'm on my way to my house. He came on to my lane. Hit my suv so hard that put it on its side. All I kept wondering was why was this man out here doing these things. The police officer stated to me that he was going to be charge criminally with what has happened to me but this does not stop the fact that I am hurt and disable. The Lord spare me. I only had an ankle fracture of my tibia and fibula and God only knows what else on the right ankle. I can not drive or walk on that foot so I am currently walking with a walker and a iron but to protect my foot. I had surgery with all this plates and pins inside that it burns like you wouldn't believe. I am going to enclose a lot of pictures so you all can have an idea of what I have been going through and its only been a month... but it feels like an eternity...

Just say a prayer of strength for a sister in christ.......

I feel so lonely.

Good evening to all... Its been a bit since I last blogged... I can say health wise im ok but mentally im depressed... Life as I know it will never be the same for me.. I have been so concern about this surgery and the rehabilitation process so ive been reading a lot of cases and I can say none of them look good... all of them complain about pain and soreness and even infection of the stitched area.... so you can imagine the fear that I have... although I fine myself to be a very religous woman at this moment my faith is being tested... I can not sleep and worst the pain keeps me up almost all night and day...every article I read tells me to take medication as directed but I feel like a drug addict and im afraid of being dependent on them... dont get me wrong there are times I have no choice and I have to but I want to try not to so I can handle things a bit better mentally and emotionally... I play games on my kindle and read my bible and just look at movies to keep me busy. It feels like forever before I can walk again and this is a long road... Nobody can understand how I feel and im tired of trying to make them understand... everyone always says I can imagine what you are going thru but they dont unless they have had the same fracture....All I ask is for prayer... im teally loosing it... I cry and pray for myself but its not enough ....need help... Thank you and msy God bless all of you tonight